In case you don't know, a traditional bidet is a cross between a toilet and a sink, and is generally used to wash your intimates. Bidets are not meant to replace toilet paper, but instead be used in addition to TP. Think of it as a way to keep your downstairs fresh between showers.
Most Americans seem to be afraid of bidets for some odd reason. Some people have compared them to enemas (which is completely false... unless they put the nozzle directly up their ass and put it on blast.) While others have claimed that it's disgusting to wash your privates. (No, your crap coated arse is disgusting.) Regardless of their reasoning, Americans are either too afraid, or too confused, to use bidets when they come across one.
(I found this wonderful article on bidets. Do give it a read. The Bidet's Revival by Maria Teresa Hart)
Don't be afraid of bidets! If you don't feel comfortable using a bidet the way it was intended to be used, try something new. There is more than one way to use a bidet. Here are a few of my personal favorites:
I freshen up my nasty bits
This is indeed the intended use of the bidet, however, most people only think to use it after they've gone to the bathroom. I just use it whenever. If it's the middle of a hot, nasty day and the swass has been real, I'll grab some soap and freshen up my lady bits. Especially if there's no time, nor need, for a full shower.
I wash or soak my feet after a long day
Backpacking around Europe is exhausting. After walking around a new city for 8 hours, I love washing my nasty feet in the bidet. Sometimes I'll even fill it with warm, soapy water and let them soak. When a hotel only has a standing shower, a bidet is the best option for relaxation.
Update: Bidets work wonders when you've stepped on a sea urchin and need to soak your feet in hot, soapy water to release the toxins. You're welcome.
It's perfect for shaving my legs
If I need to do a quick shave on my legs, I just prop my foot on the bowl and get to work. You ladies know what a pain it is trying to get your leg all the way up on the bathroom counter just to shave. The lower height of a bidet eliminates that awkward situation!
It makes a great ice bucket
If there is no refrigerator, but I want to chill my beer or champagne, I'll grab some ice and fill the bidet. Settle down, the bidet is clean and I use a bag to line the bowl or my drinks. Plus who's licking the outside of their champagne bottle. Stop that.
A Bathtub for baby...?
I don't have any kids, so I've never given a baby a bath in a bidet, but I know others have. It's the perfect size, apparently. I have no further comments.
Some Europeans may not be happy about the alternative ways in which I use a bidet, but I love it and I refuse to change.
So the next time you come across a bidet, get your feet wet... and then work your way up...
Leave a comment about the weird ways you've used a bidet.