Why All-Inclusive Resorts Are (Kinda) the Worst

February 17, 2018

I purchased my first (and only) Groupon Getaway for an all-inclusive resort in Cozumel like 7 years ago. I was pretty pumped about it. It included two rooms with a view and a lobster dinner. I was living the dream.

 

I had two friends that said they were going to come with me, but they bailed on me like a week before the trip. Of course I bought the Groupons, so I was the one screwed out of $500. Thanks, Ashholes. (The Good Place reference. Love you, Kristen.) Anyway, I grabbed my mom and a better friend and set out on a voyage to Cozumel.

 

A plane, two taxis, and a boat ride later, we made it.

 

 

I've been to Cancun numerous times, but I had never ventured over to Cozumel. It's absolutely beautiful! Unfortunately, I didn't do a damn thing on the island, so I have no idea what Cozumel is really like. 

 

All-inclusive resorts suck you in. They're amazing because the food and drinks never stop, but they keep you from truly experiencing a city.

 

We honestly never left the resort. We ate all of our food there, so we never went out to a restaurant. We hit up the swimming pool bar all day and then the other resort bars at night, so we never saw the nightlife. And the resort with full of Ironmen, so we never wanted to leave. (The story of the Ironmen will have to come at a later time. That's too hot for this post.)

 

We were going to go on an adventure one day, but then our favorite bartenders started handing us drinks and we decided to just float in the pool with daiquiris like a bunch of bums.

 

It was an amazing trip, don't get me wrong, but I think I'm done with all-inclusive resorts. (Until I'm old and cynical and don't care about seeing a city. I'll just hide from stupid people and be lazy for a week.)

 

 

What I learned on this trip:

1) It's impossible to go to an all-inclusive resort and not gain at least 5 lbs.

2) It's ok to eat a pound of chilaquiles everyday for breakfast.

3) If your bartender truly loves you, he'll mix water with coke so it looks like a tequila shot during a drinking competition. 

4) Ironmen are the best men.

 

 

 

 

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