Sailing Croatia a.k.a. The Sh*tshow

February 7, 2018

In 2010, I decided to sail Croatia with a bunch of Australians. From what I can remember, I had an amazing time. There were about 20 of us youngsters on this boat and the alcohol was self-serve. I assume that the guys running the boat didn't want to deal with us. They told us to just put a tally next to our name and we'd pay at the end. I think most of us put about 1 tally every 4th beer. Needless to say it was a sh*tshow.

 

 (We were in that brown and white beauty in the middle.)

 

There was swimming, kayaking, sightseeing, etc., but my that's not what made this trip unforgettable.

 

Here are my top moments from sailing around Croatia:

 

1) The shower was the whole bathroom. Which meant that you showered over the toilet. It was as awkward as it sounds. I made the mistake of taking a shower while the boat was in motiononce; I fell on my ass countless times. The worst thing though was when we would forget to take the toilet paper out of the bathroom beforehand... Ugh. 

 

There was also a port hole in some of the bathrooms and people could see in if you left it open. Most people would whistle or make sex noises; others would stop and shoot the sh*t like it was no big deal. I had some very interesting experiences on both sides of those port holes. 

 

 

2) The outlets were high up on the wall, so at night we'd plug in our phones and leave them on a shelf. However, if we hit rough waters the boat would rock like crazy and we'd wake up to our phones swinging back and forth across the room. I didn't even try to catch mine. If my phone was swaying like that, I didn't want to see what my body would do in a vertical position. My friend never learned though. Watching him try to catch his phone and keep his balance at the same time, all while hungover, was a treat every morning. 

 

3) During the day we would air dry our clothes outside of our room on the edge of the boat, but when we got drunk at night we'd forget to bring them back in the room. So every morning when the boat took off we lost our clothes. There are some good tops of mine floating around Croatia somewhere.

 

4) When the pavement is wet in Croatia it's very slippery. It's also very hard to tell the difference between pavement and water at night when it is raining. I'm not kidding. One rainy night we were all heading back to the boat from a bar, when all of a sudden one of the girls dropped and disappeared. She had fallen straight into the harbor and we did not know how to get her out. It was a drunken hot mess. It was also hilarious.

 

 

5) When there are multiple boats in a small harbor, they park side by side (like in the photo at the top). Which means you have to weave through unknown boats and then try not to fall between them when you cross. This seems easy enough, but you have no idea how dark Croatia gets at night. Mix that with some alcohol and it's a disaster. One night we were like the 5th or 6th boat from the dock. The trek to get on and off was ridiculous. When I stopped at our boat, I literally had to feel my way around to my room. Turns out it wasn't my room. And this wasn't our boat. Let me tell you, people do not appreciate it when you walk into their room in the middle of the night... drunk.

 

6) One night I noticed the captain at the edge of the boat with a hook and line. Every few minutes he'd pull up a squid. It was amazing to me. For some reason I dared him to eat one live... and he did. He bit right into its head and black ink just started oozing out of his mouth and down his chest. I was in shock that he actually did it, but even more shocked by what I was seeing. That image is forever burned into my retina.

 

7) Remember when I said the pavement gets slippery? Well it was raining when we were in Dubrovnik and I only had flip flops with me (I obviously didn't know how to travel back then). Anyway, I kept slipping and falling on my ass as we walked around town, so I had no choice but to walk/climb the Walls of Dubrovnik barefoot. If you're not familiar with the walls (Game of Thrones!!!), I suggest you look them up for a good laugh at my expense. Not my finest hour. You can judge me. It's ok. 

 

There are many, many, many more moments filled with poor life decisions (like making out with a bartender in a supply closet), but I'll save those for another day and leave you with this:

 

All of Croatia is absolutely amazing. During the day you get to explore beautiful landscapes and historic buildings, and at night you're surrounded by so many stars that it makes you dizzy. I love it there. I hope I make it back there soon.

 

 

Although my experience was a bit of a sh*tshow and may not be your cup of tea (it's not my cup of tea anymore either), there are a ton of different companies that offer cruises/sailing. Old, young. Rich, poor. Big and adventurous; or small and private. You name, they have. If you need help planning one, or want some suggestions, shoot me an email. 

 

-R

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