Have you ever walked into an establishment and completely changed your persona? Like when I walk into nice restaurants, I pretend like I’m uber rich, yet sweet and humble. What has society done to me?
Anyway, I read in a magazine somewhere that a certain celebrity’s favorite eggs benedict was at The Wolseley in London. You don’t know this about me, but I’ve made it a personal mission to find the best eggs benedict in the world. (Which I have. See Olympia Provisions.) So I walk into The Wolseley with my finest Primark attire (which is like a cheaper Forever 21; if that’s possible) and order a $6 coffee. It came out in the nicest carafe I’ve ever seen and I immediately felt like the queen. Then they handed me a stack of newspapers and my only thought was, “I’m not adult enough for this.”
When my food arrived it looked amazing! The only problem was it was only a tiny half order. Since I was convinced I was the queen in this moment, I decided to eat the eggs benedict in the most dignified way possible. I took the smallest bites ever recorded in history and placed my fork down for a full 30 seconds after each one. My god that was torture. That sh*t was so good. It took all of my strength not to take it down in one bite.
During those 30 second rests, I took in every detail. The lights, tiles, chairs, glasses, plates, etc. I fell in love with this building. So I did what I normally do when I’m in a fancy place… I checked out the bathrooms. In my opinion, people don’t talk about bathrooms enough. As a woman who sits when she pees, bathrooms are a major selling point. And the loo at The Wolseley was fantastic.
Upon exiting the bathrooms I decided to roam the building for a while, but then quickly realized that I needed to leave this place or people would start talking. No one likes it when black people linger around their hallways. So I took a postcard of the restaurant on my way out and decided I would frame it when I got home. Which I did. And to this day it sits on a shelf in my living room.
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